June

Here's a photo from June: We are planting cabbage and leek. On the left you can see the house where I live (on the ground floor, my windows are covered with green sun shades).

WEEK 23 (5 - 11 JUNE)
Work - This week there has been more work because I have to milk cows every day and that takes additionally 1.40 - 2 hours. Now I'm better at it and it goes smoothly. We go together in the evenings, Johan and I (Johan is the villager from our house with whom I work). We do not need extra help now, even for the "difficult" cow Majros. She used to start "dancing" when we were setting the milk suckers on. Now she is calmer, but when we start milking her we still give her extra portion of oats, hold her head and talk to her. This week we also planted cabbage and leek in the garden.

8.06 (THURSDAY) - My free day. I went to Hudiksvall, as usual. However this time I didn't go to the computer course. I sat in the employment agency (AF), writing applications and then working on my home page in the Internet. I added up some links between the pages, and now I'm more satisfied with it. It's exciting to see that the links work, but it takes a lot of time at AF, because the computers there have no copy function.

I continued some more at the library, there I read about "my" bank in Russia. It's in a very bad shape and I told my mother not to agree to bills. At least in case of bankruptcy (which is almost inevitable) I'll be in the first group - small (non-institutional) depositors.

I applied to London again, sending them everything they asked for. I also signed for Telia shares - one block (200 shares). Telia, the Swedish largest telephone company, is being privatised now, the trading will start next week.

9.06 (SATURDAY) - I'm writing it on Saturday. There's been a lot of work for me today. In the morning I dressed Ivan, ate lunch with him (I don't know why the others continued to sleep), then I washed up a lot of dishes left from yesterday, lit the heating oven and fed the animals. Then I had time for myself (cleaned up my room, did my laundry, read Time). Then I was asked to cook lunch (I made my usual potato gratin with salad). I also washed the dishes and milked the cows with Johan. Later today I need to bathe Ivan, feed the animals again (with Johan) and there's a house Bible evening, but I'm determined not to attend it (they've blamed me that last time I was writing on the napkin instead of listening).

WEEK 24 (12-18 JUNE)
15.06 (THURSDAY) - 23 young people arrived for the Youth Conference from Camphill villages in various countries. There was also one Ukrainian, but I did not have much chance to speak to him. Instead I talked with a German who came from the Russian Camphill Svetlana (he spoke Russian) and another German who came from a Camphill in Finland.

I didn't attend the conference, because there is so much work with the animals (someone must be with the villagers as well) and also because I'm not interested in Antroposophy. These young people were spending many hours to make "sculptures" out of a ash-cement blocks. It looked funny, as if they had nothing else to do in Sweden. The overwhelming majority of them were Germans, though they come from Camphills in different countries. It seems that this ideology is most popular with Germans (it also originated in Germany). We also have many Germans in our Camphill.

In Hudiksvall I e-mailed two job applications and I read articles about Russia on the TIME site (about imprisoning Gusinsky to Butyrka).

17.06 (SATURDAY) - Our young bull ran away to the neighbour's cows (about 1 km. though the forest). At 9 a.m. I went with Johan to fetch him. The neighbour was also with us, but we could not catch the bull. The farmer drove us back. Then I had breakfast and fed our animals.

At 1 p.m. we took more people and went to the farmer again. We drove the bull away to the forest in our direction. The bull led away with him two neighbour's cows, I finally separated them on the half way. We drove the bull into the milking shed, but could not put him on the chain, and just left him with the cows there.

Then Johan and I went to milk. We managed to put the bull on a chain, but he tore off its nose ring and broke away again. We milked the cows. Then I went to wash up the milking things while Johan with others caught the bull again and put him finally in to the winter cow-house. After that I fed the animals again and then sat with the computer.

WEEK 25 (19 - 25.06) AND WEEK 26 (26.06 - 2.27)
Studying & Internet. I felt tired recently so I did not do much studying or reading. I think I'll be able to resume my French studies only after I leave Staffangеrden in August. During this time I will continue to look for a job (one month more) and I need to complete the computer course. Unfortunately, they've closed for vocation until 7 August. Meanwhile I should read the books.

Right now I study HTML and apply what I've learned for my home page. I have a book on home-page making and also I surf to various sites related to webdesign.

Christopher has finally got a new modem, and, though his computer is very old, I still can access the Internet. Also a man who works at the AF, seeing that I had trouble with the AF's e-mail system, installed a link "Go to a certain Internet site" on the AF computers. Now I do not need to go to Hudiksvall to use the Internet; anyway the computer course there is over until August.

At last I found the site of our Linguistic University. There's only one picture (the famous facade). The text is very dull, suffering from delusion of grandeur and the translation to English is terrible. I hope the site will be improved, because it's new and still under construction.

Work. Johan was away week 25, I fed the animals and milked the cows alone. Economically this activity is quite meaningless. Half of the milk goes to the pig: either because milk from one cow contained some blood, so we could not use it for two weeks (which is understandable) or because people are not interested to take our milk and buy it instead. The latter is also understandable because there are no incentives to save the food money. Milk from the food shop is easy to handle and the quality is standard. Our milk sits in the fridges for several days and then it goes to the pig. At first when I came here I was appalled how much food is wasted. Now I've got used to it.

As for other work, I've been making a sawdust path around the ponds and weeding carrots. I'm minding Ivan as well: dress him in the morning and put to bed in the evening, brush the teeth, bath him every other day, help him with meals.

Having to sit at the meals is also part of the job for me: because it takes long (30 min. per meal while I need only 15) and also because I have to listen to talks that do not interest me much. Unlike others I do not say the grace (the prayer before the meal) I just thank for the meal at the end. They also lit a candle each time they have a meal. I have seen so many candles by now that I'm not going to lit any for years after I leave.

In the evenings I chat with Jonas, a villager from the neighbouring Mittenhuset (Middle House). He feels lonely and spends all the evening in our house. One night he even slept in my room. He likes to sit with me: I read something and he just sits around and "takes it easy" (tar det lugnt). He often asks me to let him massage my neck or soles, I do not mind.

Sometimes I feel like talking, for example one evening I tried to explain to him what geography and astronomy are about and showed countries on the map. But it was too abstract for him, not "fun". Another evening I showed to him what I was doing on the computer; the only thing that attracted his attention was pictures of Mickelgarden.

On Friday I had an additional free day as part of my vocation. I'll take 6 more days off in week 28.

Letter from home. I received a parcel from Mother. She sent me mostly books by V. Megre about Anastasia (a prophet-like woman who lives in Siberian taiga). Mother is very interested in these things, as many other Russians nowadays I suppose. She also wrote me a letter. Among other things she asks me to consider making Russia my home: "You'll be seeking a better life abroad, but may end up dying of boredom there". But elsewhere she writes about the "disordered Russian life" and "everybody's going mad about money". Some more extracts:
- I wish I could leave this pigsty. There's a fear in everybody to be left without job and salary. I envy our cat Barsik: he has plenty of free time. He hasn't got any thoughts in his head though. But are our thoughts better?
- To leave this country? No one is waiting for us there. To die like father (my grand-dad) knowing that you've been squeezed out, made to work for false ideas and then thrown away?

My mother is 54 now. She has to take care of her sick mother, that's why she will leave her job soon. She is also upset about her unsuccessful family life (she still lives in the same house with my dad after they divorced 5 years ago) and that my sister (who is 32) is still living alone (in the same house) and not getting married.

My mother has been trying to find people with productive ideas who are honest and want to work hard to improve their life and make our country more stable. This is why she got interested in these books about the Siberian prophet and meets with other people who share the same ideas. This may be good for her, but I think first of all she needs financial security and independence. And as matters now stand, I am the only one in the family who can achieve it and help her.

Films. I've seen this month (on TV): The Ceremony, The City of the Lost Children. Both are French and both are of excellent quality. The second one is hard to understand, but I enjoyed it as a piece of art. I'll try to see more French films when I come back to Russia.

July - August

Nothing special happened in July, that's why I'm writing this in August for two months.

Weather. We had a very rainy weather for 3 weeks in July, in fact our part of Sweden (the middle) was heavily flooded. Then the weather has been warm and sunny.

Work. I'm continuing with my usual work with Johan in Mickelgеrden feeding the animals, milking, gathering hay and weeding.

Moving to another house. Relations with the house parents in the Mickelhuset got worse. I could no longer tolerate the rubbish people talk at the meals and sit there for 30 minutes every mealtime. The same problem was at Bible evenings where I was exposed to terribly boring talks. In fact it was not really necessary for me to sit there, because my charge Ivan cannot understand anything about religion and he often stays away from meetings (he prefers to sit on the staircase or watch the washing machine in operation).

On Saturday (4 Aug.) I just didn't go to the Bible meeting and next day I had a harsh talk with Christopher. First he suggested I leave Staffansgеrden without working to the end of August, but then he decided that I'd move to Solvanda house - the same house at Staffangarden estate where I stayed the first 10 days when I arrived (the rest of the time, 16 months, I stayed in Mickelhuset).

I'm only sorry that I did not move earlier! Everything is much better in Solvanda. Here there is a Chinese family (with a 2-y.o. baby) and a German girl with her boyfriend who lives next door to me (we have a common bathroom). I take care of two middle-aged men, but there is not much to do about them. Also every day I go with the bus to Mickelsgarden and work there as usual with Johan.

The Chinese are pleasant to talk to and they're normal people. I don't hear any more of that compost-stuff that bored me to death at Mickelsgеrden. Mostly we talk about China and Russia. The wife cooks excellent food, too! The room is nicer, furniture is better, and Stafansgarden is located in the middle of Delsbo, so I do not need to bike back and forth as before.

The issue with my salary. When I talked with Christopher before the move he said that I wouldn't get my 250 kr. per each month as the minimum departure money, because I'd been saving. "Why do you need the departure money? You've saved a lot", he said. I got fed up at this. What a logic! Is it better to spend everything because then one gets more? I got the least salary of all, but I haven't been spending it as others!

I'm an adult and want to decide myself how and when I spend the money that I earn. I have plans for the future, I need to move to Canada, buy a house there, make a family. That's why I need to save as much as possible. But talking like this to them is meaningless. They do not understand or pretend not to understand.

The whole system is absurd and unfair. Some of the "leading" co-workers have big houses with everything, cars, some of them do not even live with handicapped, and yet they get 5-10 times more than I. Are their needs so much bigger? This is hypocricy.

Then we also have external co-workers (they live in their houses, not with the handicapped) who are not in this system. They have normal Swedish salaries.

I said to Christopher that I wouldn't leave Sweden without my money. Yesterday I wrote a paper to the "Byrad" (Village Council, the highest managing body here), saying that I need to get the departure money for 18 months, vocation money for 12 months, and additional 500 kr. for January 2000. The total is 11.000 kr. They will discuss my paper today.

Reply from the Canadian Embassy. The Embassy says that I need to find a job in Canada as a live-in caregiver and get it validated (get a certificate from the Canadian labour authority that there are no Canadians wishing to take the job). I should do it within 3 months, or else I'll have to pay the processing fee (CAD 150) again. I faxed them a letter asking to extend the period to 6 - 12 months.

Books I read in July - August:

• Mikhail Stern; August Stern. "Jarnridе for kaleken - det sexuella fortrycket i Soviet" - Askild & Karnekull, 1982 (Original title: La vie sexuelle en Union Sovietique, 1977). - Translation from French. Written by an emigre in the 70s. Interesting account of this side of Soviet life by a specialist.
• David Rameck. "Resurrection" - A must for everyone who wants to understand Russian politics!
• Timothy Harper. "Moscow Madness. Crime, Corruption, and One Man's Pursuit of Profit in the New Russia". McGraw Hill, 1999. - A real-life story about an American businessman selling beer in Russia. I recommend it to all who wants to learn about Russian business conditions and ethics.

Meeting about my salary. On Friday I was asked to come to a meeting with Per (the head of Staffansgеrden) and Matti (the head of the economy group). We talked about my paper, mostly I did the talking, and it seemed they didn't have any solid counter-arguments. In the end they agreed to pay me what I wanted (11.000 kr = about USD 1100) in exchange to my promise that I would leave as soon as I finish work and not stay here the remaining 10 days of August for a holiday. (They probably didn't want me to sore their eyes. However, at the meeting Per even praised me for being sincere.)

Well, it's a victory. I'll have to leave earlier and won't be able to finish my PC course, but I'll do it in Russia. (14 Aug.)

16 August
My last working day will most probably be 20 August (Sunday). Then I need to leave. I've started to look for ways of getting to Russia inexpensively, and, as far as I know, there are still no direct ferry lines between Sweden and Russia. I'm certainly not going to fly: it costs over 4000 kr, and I got here for just 1000.

The Canadian Embassy replied that they cannot extend the 90-day term for finding a job. My file will be re-opened only if they receive a validated job offer not later than 18 Oct., or else I'll have to reapply. I'm going to start an intensive search. If I miss the deadline, I'll stay in Russia longer.

I've applied also for a Visa card from my Swedish bank today. I won't take my money from Sweden back to Russia, there are no reliable banks there.

17 August
I'm following reports about the sunk Russian submarine. This is just as I expected from the beginning: the Russian military refused to accept help from NATO countries saying that their equipment is just as good, and they botched up the rescue. They asked for help at last, but now it's too late. The sub sank on Saturday now it's Thursday. The 118 people in the sub are probably dying just now (the knocking from the sub has ceased). It was possible to save them, the depth is only 100 meters! The British military are saying they could've rescued all in 2.5 hours (in good weather). This tragedy shows once again how little a human life is worth for the Russian military. For them it's just 118 people - they killed thousands in Chechnya! They put their ambitions first, thinking they're still living in a superpower. They are jerks, criminally inefficient and stupid. What more can be said?

21 August (Monday)
Today is my last working day. Unless they let me live and work a few more days in Staffansgarden, I need to leave tomorrow. Now I'm waiting for my credit card and I need to get a transit visa - either to Finland or Estonia (whatever is quicker). If I have to live tomorrow, I'll move to a camping.

Since last week we have two new co-workers: a girl from Austria and a guy from Bolivia. They both came through some exchange/volunteer programs. The Bolivian speaks only Spanish and a few English words, he'll probably be working instead of me, but now he apparently does not understand what is expected from him. The Austrian girl worked with us (gardening and animals) for a week but didn't like it much, now she's started in the carpentry.

24 August (Thursday)
Yesterday I left Staffansgarden. Now I'm in Hudiksvall (Employment Agency) and leaving for Stockholm by bus at 10.45 a.m.

The past night I walked about Hudiksvall. At 1 - 2 a.m. I ate a pizza at a hamburger restaurant and talked with three Swedish guys from Delsbo; they were interested to know what it costs to live in Moscow and buy vodka. When they talked to each other they used slang and I could understand not more than one half.

Then I talked to Ismail, a Kurd who works at that restaurant, a very amiable person. He lived in the USSR at the end of 80s, studying law in Rostov-on-Don. Now he makes pizzas and burgers in Sweden. We talked very long - in Russian! - about life in Russia then and now. He said he had friends in Rostov and that Russians are good people, we just have bad politicians. He wished me success in Canada and invited to visit the restaurant again if only I happen to be in Hudik some day.

25 August (Friday)
I came to Stockholm yesterday and now I'm staying at Annika's mother's flat (Annika is the handicapped from Staffansgarden) in Kista (Stockholm's suburb, also European "Silicon Valley"). Annika's mother, Harriet, is very kind and keeps saying that she won't charge me anything for living.

Today I sold some of my books in Stockholm to reduce the weight of my luggage (it's still very heavy). Then I got a transit visa to Estonia (120 kr)and booked a ferry ticket for Sunday (310 kr). From Tallinn I'll go to Moscow by train.

Right now I'm writing this from the Stockholm City Library. Tomorrow I'll pick up the ticket and stroll around Stockholm. These are my last days in Sweden. Who knows whether I'll see this country again.

26 Aug.
I'm writing from the Stockholm City Library. There's a special computer here "Global Writer". One can use it to write in many languages, also in Russian.

Trip to Russia

27 August: leaving Sweden by ferry.
17.00 - checking-in at the Estline terminal, 18.00 - departure.

The ship, Regina Baltica, was as big as the ferry in which I arrived to Sweden, but it was Soviet-made and less comfortable. The price was 310 kr. Before it got dark I spent the time on the deck. The ship was going though a long channel, about 500 m. wide, we met a few other ferries (Silja Lines, Viking) and many sail boats. The prices in cafes and shops were on the level with Sweden, I just exchanged all my Swedish cash to Estonian crowns (EEK) and went down to my cabin.

I was sharing the cabin with three other men: one Lithuanian and two Estonians. We talked in English and Russian (the Estonians and Lithuanian couldn't understand one another's languages either). The Estonians, who were twin brothers, worked in Sweden in a construction company. They travelled back to Estonia and back to Sweden every three months, because for staying over 3 months one needs to have a work/resident permit ( however, residents of Baltic states do not need a visa to Sweden). On the ship the two Estonians kept drinking vodka and beer.

The Lithuanian man was returning home from a course in environmental management at Umea University. In Lithuania he worked as a teacher of English in a secondary school, then as a manager in a sewing factory. We had a bit of an argument with him over Sweden: he strongly disliked the country, just because it was foreign and he loved his home country Lithuania. His patriotism was understandable: his country is small and orderly, all who wants to work can find a job and salaries are not bad (a school teacher gets 100 - 500 dollars per month - that's a dream salary for our teachers). With his Lithuanian passport he can travel all over Europe without a visa and in a few years his country will be in the EU.

28 August: in Estonia
9.00 - arrival to Tallinn. From the ship terminal I went to the central train station. The train to Moscow was twice more expensive than the bus, so I bought the bus ticket. There was not luggage boxes at the train station , so I went to the bus station and left the luggage there (however, the bus to Moscow was leaving from the train station).

From 12 and 16 o'clock I was making a sightseeing tour of the city. The Old Town is beautiful and romantic. It's surrounded by drab Soviet architecture typical for any industrial city with new mirror-surfaced boxes mushrooming here and there.

At I went to fetch my luggage and then went to the train station. There I got on the bus (almost empty) which left for Moscow at 17.30.

At 21.30 (23.30 Moscow time) we reached the Estonian-Russian border. It goes by a river between at the Estonian city Narva and the Russian Ivangorod. As we'd crossed the bridge we came to the Russian territory. "Home sweet home!"

The bus and our luggage was checked. Most of the time was spent on me, because all other passengers (about 8) were coming only from Estonia. My luggage was thoroughly examined, I had to answer questions about my books, folders with Swedish papers and coins from Italy.

29 August
1.00 a.m. (Moscow time) - meal at a roadside cafe (borsch and cheburek). Then dozing through night. I regretted having left by bus, it was shaking on the bumpy road and also I got a big swelling on my butt (probably from the excitement of the trip), so I almost didn't sleep.

The road went Novgorod (at night) - Tver (in the morning, I got out to stretch) - Klin. The landscape opening from the bus window was different from what I got used in Sweden, it revealed a complete lack of care. No lawn was mown of course. In villages and small towns I saw lots of kiosks selling construction materials, auto oils and accessories. At 13.30 we came to Moscow. I got off the bus at Shelkovskaya Metro Station. The metro fare was almost the same - 3.5 r. The city seemed very crowded, I just got unaccustomed to it. From the Pavelets Station I took a suburban train to Rastorguyevo, then bus 59 and so I came home. It was 3 p.m., the whole trip from Sweden took 44 hours.