January

PLANS, JOB-HUNTING. I am planning to stay in my present job and look for another job in Sweden for several months. If it's not possible to find a job in Sweden I'll try to land a job in some other EU country. I do not want to leave Sweden now, because I need to learn Swedish better, take other courses here and also I want to find out how one can get a permanent work/residence permit in Sweden. If I continue to stay here (which is, of course, difficult), the time that I've worked here so far will count towards the 5-year requirements for obtaining the Swedish citizenship. Also after two years of working in Sweden I will be entitled to a Swedish pension in the future.

Now I am looking for a job of teaching Russian or an office job in order to feel myself free and get a normal Swedish salary. The point is to get a permission to change employment.

I filled in a very long database in the Swedish State employment agency Arbetsfцrmedlingen which is the largest (27 000 vacancies), but then I read in the newspapers and heard that this agency is quite inefficient. For example, they sent me a vacancy School Teacher of Swedish and English, saying that I am a good candidate. Surely, I can't teach Swedish yet. Now I'm placing my data also in other agencies via Internet.

Arbetsformedlingen is still very useful, because there they have databases with descriptions of various professions (education, qualifications, salary, etc.) and courses, texts of official regulations for work and study as well as bulletins of vacancies (including a bulletin of jobs abroad).

COURSES. 1) Swedish - On two Fridays (Dec. 11 and 17) I went to Hudiksvall to take the language test, Swedish for Foreigners (SFI). It's something like American TOEFL. I was told at the employment agency that I'd need the certificate. The test was quite easy and now I expect the result. After getting this certificate I want to study Swedish at a more advanced level. I seems that there's no advanced courses for foreigners around, but I hope to find a course for Swedes that is suitable for me.

2) Computer - I've also enrolled in a computer course European Computer Driving Licence (ECDL) which starts from 13 Jan. It's called a driving licence, but here one "drives" a computer. This is a joint project for EU countries. The course covers Word, Excel, Access, PowerPoint and Internet (I need Access, PowerPoint, better Excel and the certificate of course).

3) Horse riding and dance - We don't have them now. These courses will start again approximately in the middle of January.

OUR HOUSE. Our house is more populated now. Here's whom we have: "house parents" Kristoffer and Debra with their two children, co-workers: Anna, Turun (two Swedish girls of about 22 years of age who moved in recently), me, villagers Annika, Svante, Johan and Ivan.

Debra sometimes criticises me for preferring to be alone and trying to avoid meeting of all sorts. I personally think that these get-togethers are an awful waste of time and I'm also no longer interested in antroposophy. I feel I go to too many meeting already when I accompany the villagers. Also now that we have two more co-workers, who are quite talkative, we have much more of this sitting and chatting away for hours and I get tired of that. True, I was enthusiastic about Camphill in the first few months, but now I want to listen to this nonsense as little as possible.

READING. I've read Orwell's Animal Farm (A great book! I've also read his novel1984 and essays in Russian, then saw the British film 1984). After that I read a Swedish book for teenagers about sex (I try read all sorts of books in Swedish). Now I'm reading a Swedish textbook.

MONEY. My cash allowance for January was very small: 1500 kr (normally 2250 kr. = 270 US dollars), because they still cannot decide about the budget. So they reduced everyone's salary (Jan. 8, 2000)

1 - 8 JANUARY
On 3 Jan. (Saturday) it was Debra's birthday. Debra, our "house mother", turned 40. Debra has been living here in Sweden for several years. Her family is from England, but she lived first in India then in South Africa. She is married to a Swede, Kristoffer who is also in our house. Their children, a boy and a girl in early school ages, speak mostly Swedish.

A lot of people came to the house for the birthday, especially many children, and 20 or so guests had no place at the tables. Debra was very glad about my present, a trendy bag (I got it as part of the introduction package to the Bonniers book club). I did not stay at the party though, because it was to crowdy and noisy.

On 5 Jan. I went to Stockholm to pick up Svante. I went by train there and by taxi back with Svante. Everything was as usual, without problems.

On 6 Jan. (Thursday) there was a holiday in Sweden - 13th day Christmas, I think it's also the Orthodox Christmas, because the Old Russian calendar is 13 days behind. Newspapers are publishing articles about Yestsin's staying in Jerusalem's most luxurious hotel and drinking Swedish vodka. He says in particular that in two months the Chechen war will be over.

8 Jan. (Saturday). Most of the dwellers of our house have gone slalom skiing somewhere. I don't have the skies and shoes, so I'm staying in the house and using the computer. In the evening we had the Bible evening as usual.

I am still here and do not intend to return to Russia at least till September 2000 - the next extension date of my permit for which I've applied.

WORK - Continuing with the firewood and feeding animals. For two weeks we went also to the wood to saw branches of pine trees to improve the timber quality and make the wood less dark.

HOLIDAY - Week 9 (Feb. 28 - March 5) I had a holiday. I cannot say I have had a good rest. I still feel myself uneasy. I need to change the work an the place of living. I still have 3 weeks of unused holiday for the first year. Maybe I'll go to France and stay at a Camphill there, but I need to have the permit to be able return to Sweden. To go to France for a course of French is much too expensive for me.

MONEY - I wrote a paper on three pages to the Economy group demanding for justice in regard to my salary. They want to leave me without holiday money and departure money just because I was saving. In the paper I am saying that I was misinformed from the beginning. I was just told that saving is bad and not tolerated here. I wrote my budget showing how I was going to spend my money, but I fact I bought almost nothing and continued saving. In any case it was not required to show the receipts. What I wrote were my "plans" that do not bind me to anything. In fact it is allowed to save if the community agrees about the saving purpose. In my case it is emigration for which I need about 7 000 dollars. I could have budgeted this need and could also have a normal consumption. But I was misinformed, I was told that it's not allowed to save.

COURSES. 1) Computer - As I have already written, I go to a "computer driving licence course" in Hudiksvall. I have passed tests on three modules (basic IT knowledge, Windows and Word). The remaining modules are more difficult (Excel, Access, PowerPoint and Outlook), I need to study them. The language causes some problem of course (all the menues etc. are in Swedish), but I am getting used to it and already seem to be forgetting the Russian and English equivalents. The other difficulty is that I can study there only once a week on my free day, because I have no access to a computer with MS Office elsewhere.

2) Horse riding and dance - I finished with the both. As for horses, I felt tired and saw no progress, the horses do not interest me much either. It's also quite risky. In the last lessons some of our group tried galloping. One of the horses started to gallop uncontrollably fast, like in a cow-boy film. The was Yuko on it, a Japanese who used to live in our house. She fell of the saddle at a maddening speed but no bones were broken. Yuko is quite small, she felt compactly like a sack. I imagine if I were thrown from the saddle probably it would not be so lucky. My horse once did start to gallop and terrified me, but I grasped in the horse's neck and it was soon stopped by others. So I think I'd better not try my luck, I do not enjoy it anyway.

The dance course has finished: Now it's just dancing, the time is shorter, costs more (30 kr.) and I have to pay myself (not Staffansgеrden as before).

SHOPPING. I buy almost nothing - everything is so expensive. I bought an audio-cassette player to listen to French while I am working. I also bought a battery charger with 4 chargeable batteries, now I do not need to buy disposable ones. I can charge my batteries more than 500 times; it will last me for several years.

I am also looking for good and inexpensive training shoes. I bought my Adidas for 32 dollars in Sweden when I was here in 1994 and have jogged in them ever since. Now they are completely worn out. I jog as a rule every day, in winter also.

As for other clothes, I just bought a pair of good jeans for 25 kr. and a jacket for 60 kr. in a second-hand shop.

There is a good variety of second-hand clothes there and they are very inexpensive. The Swedes do not wear their clothes long, they keep buying new ones. The clothes that they do not longer need go to second hands' shop and charitable organisations. When I go to the weavery I see good clothes, almost unworn, waiting to be cut to straps for weaving rags.

TEETH - I went to the dentist several times and now all the holes have been filled. The doctor now says that I need a crown on one tooth and a bridge on three others. The material is ceramic with gold rods that fasten to the teeth. The crown costs about 500 dollars the bridge about 800. Probably it costs less in Russia. Here we have free "ordinary" treatment, but these things are most probably not ordinary. I can't pay it from my pocket either, the money I have is not enough for Canada yet. I can pay it only if I find a better-paid job.

THE PRESS - Our house started to subscribe to Svenska Dagbladet as well. It's regarded as the best Swedish newspaper, on the same rank as Los Angeles Times, Guardian, etc. It's very strong on politics and economics. There is a thick part Naringslivet (Economy) in every workday issue which I read first of all in the morning. I also continue to read Dagens Nyheter, another quality Swedish national newspaper. It has a daily Part A with news in politics and economics and many supplements. I look through Part A, Culture, Knowledge, Travel, eDN, but skip Stockholm/Sport and Housing. These two newspapers are quite thick: each one like 3-5 our Izvestia newspapers.

We also get Hudiksvall Tidning (it has the size and thickness of AiF). It reports local news: health care, schools and transportation, industry, culture, etc. Many articles from local politicians and common readers about political issues, like the EMU question. (9 March 2000)

PLANS - My plans have not changed. I have not got the extension of the permit yet, the decision should arrive soon. I am going to resume looking for another job starting from next week when the employment agency opens in the new premises.

I have sent an enquiry to the Canadian High Comission (Embassy) in London for the Live-In Caregiver Program asking them for information and for application forms. The fee for the program is about USD 110 which is non-refundable.

STUDIES - I tried to begin a Swedish course in Hudiksvall. When I went to the class, the teacher, an old authoritative woman, said outright that my Swedish level was not enough for the course. I do not think I could get much use from her course, because it is for schoolchildren and because of the teacher's negative attitude.

French: I am studying it with an audio cassette course. The studying does not go very fast. I hope to practice speaking French with a co-worker here once a week, I've already agreed with her.

Computer course: I attempted to pass the Excel test, but got only 70 % (at least 75 % is needed). I should study Excel more thoroughly lest I fail the test again and will have to pay 80 kr. for each following attempt.

READING. LISTENING TO MUSIC - After being so long away from Russia I am feeling the need for the Russian culture again. As for books, now I read Anna Karenina in Russian (I ordered it via interlibrary borrowing system). It is a mystery to me how people could write such long books in the past without a computer. Some parts which are not interesting I just look through. What I do not like about Tolstoy is that too moralistic and it makes his writing a bit schematic.

I also borrow CD's and cassettes from the library. I've borrowed for example A. Pugacheva (A Soviet Superstar, songs 1976 - 1984). I think, some of her songs are really great. I tried to listen to Zolotoye Koltso (Russian folk music ensemble), but it was boring, soulless. Now I listen to Edith Piaf.

WORK - Firewood and feeding animals as usual. A new truckload of timber has arrived - 80 cu. m. We have probably done 300 cu. m. over the winter. We operate two machines: an sawing machine (cutting tree trunk in chunks) and a cleaving machine (splitting these chunks). Yesteday I also used a portable motor saw for the first time.

As for the animals we have now three cows (some of them are pregnant) and four bulls, two pigs (one is a pet, not for fattening), two ducks, about four sheep, two dozens of chicken, and about ten rabbits (rabbits are fed by the children). The fattening pig is expected to give birth to piglets soon. We feed it with a lot of fruits - grapes, bananas, apples, tomatoes and tropical fruits I don't know the names of - that we get for free from Hemkop (a big food store). When the fruits come some of them are still of very good quality; I pick the best for myself and then my room smells like a fruit store.

In our house we also have a male castrated cat and a guinea pig (or maybe it's some other mouse type). The mouse lives in a cage which stands in the corridor and the cat likes to sit nearby and watch it.

HOLIDAY - I am planning to take three weeks of holiday soon (for the last year): weeks 15, 17, 19 (i.e. in April - May). Our "house parent", Kristoffer, tried to persuade me to go on a trip. He said I needed a change. I know that as well, but I do not have much to do in Russia and I do not want to go to another Camphill, even in another country. The trip expenses will be at least 250 dollars and I have not got the holiday money that I expected under the pretext that I had been saving. So I decided to stay here. I'll be here not longer than till September anyway - 5 months of which 5 weeks are my holiday. My main task during the holiday is improving French.

MONEY - The stock markets are volatile just now, especially IT stocks. NASDAQ goes up and down and it is closely followed by the IT-heavy Stockholm. Last week I lost probably 5 %. Still the growth from the start of the year is about 15% on average, but I was buying high this year...

I still think that in spite of this volatility and high-valued stocks, IT has good growth potential. Now B2B e-trade is thought to be especially promising. Trading via Internet will decrease the costs significantly (purchasing prices by 10 % and purchasing time and procedures by 90 %). For example, the largest auto companies (Ford and GM) are making their Internet portals from which they will be soliciting lowest prices for the components.

HEALTH - I've been feeling a bit sleepy in the recent days. I think I am still getting used to the summer time. I do not have much appetite either. The food is free, but it's monotonous and not tasty. Usually we eat muesli with fil-milk for breakfast, some spicy mixture of vegetables with meat for lunch and sandwiches for the evening. (1 April 2000)

PLANS - I've had another week of vocation (Week 15). I am planning to take vocation in weeks 17 and 19 as well. I thought of going to a French course at a "folk high school", but I think it will be too expensive for me. The course is 5 days (25 hours) and costs about 320 dollars plus the trip is about 100 dollars. The tuition itself is free, as in all "folk high schools", but it's food, lodging, course literature and some "frills" such as "evening activities" or "library with Internet computers" which make it unaffordable.

There are also cheaper schools where one can live for about 400 dollars per months and study what one likes, but the courses are long (from 6 months to 3 years).

Swedes can take a state assistance and a loan. Foreigners can get the assistance only if they have a permanent residence permit (which is almost impossible to get).

One has to live in Sweden for 5 years to acquire the citizenship. I have worked here one year and have the money to study here for 1 year. The remaining time I need to work here if I decide to stay. But finding a job here is very difficult:
- Swedish and EU citizens have the priority,
- the procedure of obtaining permission takes more than 2-3 months (few employers will wait so long),
- salary cannot be less than 12,000 kr. (1,500 dollars) per month gross,
- Swedish employers tend to discriminate against foreigners.

I've read many articles in the press that refugees - who have the same rights as Swedes - and other immigrants cannot find a proper job corresponding their education. The reasons can be many: poor knowledge of Swedish, education and experience that does not match the Swedish labor market, but first of all discrimination. As far as I know, in Canada the attitude to foreigners is much better.

CANADA - I've received the answer to my inquiry about the Live-In Caregiver Program. It takes on average 8 - 12 weeks, the interview will be held in Sweden. There's been no news from the embassy in Moscow.

FRENCH - I study it for several hours every day. The language is difficult, because the grammar is quite different from English. Once a week I go to talk with a native speaker. This woman, Anja, now lives in the house opposite to ours with her two children. Her parents are from Germany and France.

READING - I've finished reading Anna Karenina; after all, the book is quite absorbing. Also I've subscribed to TIME which is inexpensive here (80 cents per issue, less than the retail price for a local newspaper). I read almost all the articles and write out difficult and interesting words.

CULTURAL LIFE:
1) The Trombonist - A young trombonist, Elias Faingersh, gave a concert at Staffansgarden. Very interesting improvisations: both electronic and live music, talking and singing while playing. He emigrated from the USSR at the age of 4. Now he lives in Sweden and travels all over the world. In New York he met Brodsky. He read his poetry to us (in good Russian) accompanied by a violinist.

2) Musicians from Belorus - A group of 20 Belorussian musicians are staying here, most of them are students of a music college. They are giving concerts here and in Stockholm earning some money. They will stay with us a week.

Yesterday they came to watch our May bonfire and fireworks. May bonfires are held once a year on the last day of April all over Sweden. It is believed that witches fly on this day to their meeting place with the devil. 1st May is also a holiday here - the socialist movement was very strong in Sweden; this day is also celebrated by the students.

I had a talk with a few of the musicians about the situation in Belorus. No one of them supports Lukashenko. They say Lukashenko has made salaries for industrial workers 100 dollars per month and for intelligentsia (school teachers, doctors, musicians...) 20 dollars. No wonder that the "working class" supports him. There is no more free press there. I talked with an elderly woman, a classical singer. She gets a pension of 16 dollars and a salary of 20. There is no interest in Belorus to her work. There she has to sing in kindergartens. In Sweden she has an audience, her CDs are selling well and she will get about 200 dollars for the concerts. The trip and all the expenses in Sweden are paid by Swedish sponsors including Staffansgarden (Written 1 May).

HEALTH - In the last few weeks I've felt very exhausted, though I sleep a lot. I think it is mainly because of the spring. I bought some tablets made of a Swedish herb (chisandra) and minerals. The positive effect is felt from the first day. But still I need something stronger, I'll ask mum to send me some inexpensive Russian medicines (P.S. They were stopped and sent back by the Swedish customs). I think that this apathy also due to the lack of new impressions. Life is the same here. I see few new places and people.

The musicians left yesterday. I met them only one day, at other days they were practicing their music and went to give the concerts. I did not go to their concert, it cost 12 dollars.

ECONOMY - The situation on the world markets has improved, so my losses are small. As for the Russian economy, the news is positive. Here is the main points from the Saturday' s Naringslivet (the economic supplement to Svenska Dagbladet):
- The situation now is better than it was a month ago and significantly better than at the beginning of 2000.
- The rouble is stable and it is one of the few currencies that even gained to the dollar in the last months. It is expected that the exchange rate will remain 28 rb./dollar through the rest of the year.
- Russia's hard currency reserves have grown from 11 to 17 billion USD in the last 4 months.
- The industrial output is expected to increase 8 % this year.
- Moscow Stock Exchange index rose 260 % in 1999 and 15 % more this year. According to the analysts, Moscow Stock Exchange is still too undervalued and is one of the world's most attractive.
- Putin has surrounded himself with liberal economic advisers, e.g. Andrei Illarionov (the one who predicted the 1998 crash - YB)

From the same article: "the democracy supporters are equally pessimistic as the economists are optimistic about Putin's administration". After the bloodbath in Chechnya it is evident that democracy and the human rights are not the priorities for Putin.

VOCATION - I was on vocation weeks 15, 17, 19 (April 10-16, 24-30, May 8-14). I decided to work a week after each week of holiday, then the holiday seems longer and does not get boring. During the free time I was busy with French, job-hunting, the computer course (going to Hudiksvall) and the application to Canada. So I've used my vocation for one year. If I stay here till the end of August, I'll have 2 more weeks of rest.

APPLICATION FOR THE LIVE-IN CAREGIVER PROGRAM - In the middle of May I sent the application to the Canadin embassy in London with the complete package of documentation which they required as well as payment (CAD150). Two weeks later I got my package back with a new list of required papers. Actually the file name on the list says it was written in 1997, and I don't understand why the Embassy could not send it to me in the beginning.

WORK - I continue to feed the animals, clean the cow house and cut wood. Instead of Svante, now I have another villager plus Johan. On the Christmas Eve (Saturday, 23 April) I went again to Upsala to accompany Ivan in the taxi: 3-hour trip there (275 km.) and immediately back.

At the end of May I was told to milk the cows as well, while the man in charge of our farming will be on vocation in June. Now I go with him every evening to "practice". We have three cows, they give together 20 - 30 liters of milk per day. Milking them is a troublesome and unpleasant work. It is done with a milking machine, the difficulty is to keep the machine clean all the time and to be able to set it on the the cow so it does not suck the air (or else it drops on the dirty floor). The cows are so stupid, it's difficult to get one in place, then it does not want to stand still, often it start to shit or urinate while I am trying to fix the machine on the tits. It's a mess and I hate it. Of all the animals I like only cats, they are intelligent and clean.

COMPUTER - I have been studying Excel and Access. On Wednesday I finally passed the test on Excel.

EMPLOYMENT AGENCY - There is an AF office (Arbetsformedlingen, state employment agency) in Delsbo, I went there every day to prepare and print out all my application papers at so-called a "client work place" (a special desk equipped with a computer and a printer). One can work only with the AF web site, no other software is accessible, though one can also follow links to other web sites, such as universities, courses and employment agencies (also abroad). I looked in the Canadian state employment agency site and the Canadian immigrations department site and printed out some information. Printing out is free and there is no limit. I found that from a few desks in Hudiksvall's AF one can access Internet as well.

There is a simple word processing program in those computers allowing to write texts, save them and print out, though it is not possible to save on a diskette. I also could not get to my files by surfing from a normal computer, although in principle it should be possible.

Now the AF site has been re-designed and I found one useful function: possibility to search jobs using search criteria. For example, I enter the following limitations: full time, from 6 months, no driving licence, and search words "Russian", "English", "Word", "Excel", etc. For some vacancies it is possible to apply directly by e-mail (though one can't send an e-mail somewhere else).

At the AF I tried to open some Russian web sites, for example Rambler.ru, but the texts are unreadable. It's the same problem for all computers here. There is only one computer (in Hudiksvall's library) that I use for Russian sites. From there I read my favorite Russian newspaper Inostranets, and news about my dead Russian bank Rossiiski Kredit.

FILMS THAT I'VE SEEN:
- Ben Gur (a mammoth film, 3.5 hours about the conquest of Judea during Christ's time, somewhat naive and dull, but chariot races in the Colosseum are spectacular).
- Rain Man (Dustin Hoffman as a mentally retarded),
- Cotton Club (musical/gangster film, America of the 30s),

I love cinema, but the cinema-going and video-rental are too expensive here. It's a pity that films worthy of seeing are so rare on TV.

TV PPROGRAMME ABOUT RUSSIA - A few days ago I saw a TV programme about the image of Russia as perceived by the Swedes. The message was that the Swedish media informs primarily about negative sides of life in Russia (Mafia, Chechnya, poverty, prisons, environmental pollution, etc.), although all this is true, and largely ignores positive sides (culture, level of education) and fails to inform objectively about life of ordinary Russians.

In particular, the programme criticized the Dagens Nyheters' correspondent in Russia, who has been constantly sending negative articles from Moscow under such titles as "Power Game in Moscow", "Putin's Tight Control of Power", etc. and one-sided dispatches from the provinces (e.g. from Pskov about bad roads, bad hotel and bad vodka; he said in the interview these are the things a foreigner notices on arrival to Pskov).

As a result, most Swedes view Russia as a dangerous, poor and boring country. Here's some statistics from the program:
- The Swedish TV annually shows programs made in USA 7500 hours, England 3600, and Russia only 95.
- Every year 170,000 Swedes visit Tailand, 110,000 Check Republic and only 7,000 visit Russia (I wonder how many Russians visit Sweden, not more I think). The population of Sweden is 9 million.

But the business community is interested in Russia. The program featured the new IKEA supermarket in Moscow (the crowd making its way to the store at the opening ceremony and the General Manager talking about a large potential in Russia), new production premises for Skania trucks in Murmansk. Also interviewed in the programme was a Swedish businesswoman living in Moscow who showed her apartment (with a steel front door of course) and said that life in Moscow was quite safe, not more dangerous than any other European capital.

There were some glimpses of the ordinary life too: meeting strangers on the street, showing how people are surviving (babushkas selling their produce, elektichka vendors turning up one after another).

ANOTHER TV PROGRAM ABOUT RUSSIA - "The Power Triangle: Kremlin - Lubyanka - Bolshoi" (shown on May 31). As clear from the title, it was about Stalinism and its three pillars (the power centre, the punitive machine, and the arts as beautifying and glorifying facade for the system). Athough I have seen many other TV programs and films about Stalinism, still the impression is harrowing. The whole country was turned into a gigantic prison camp, where half of the population was kept as innocent prisoners and the other was made prison-keepers.

The programme makers interviewed those who saw and went through the Big Terror: writer Lev Razgon, historian Roy Medvedev, princess Trubetskaya, dancer Lepeshinskaya, the son of A. Mikoyan, etc. Here's Lev Razgon's story: he saw many of his friends and acquaintances being taken by the NKVD and when he heard the door bell ring that night he already knew that they came after him. At Lubyanka he was told that if he signed the "confession", his wife wouldn't be sent to the camp (he was given "the word of a communist and a chekist"). His wife was a diabetic and could not live without insulin, the camp meant certain death for her. He signed everything of course, but she was still sent to the camp and died on the way there. L. Razgon spent 18 years in camps. He died in 1999 and the programme is dedicated to his memory.

The communist system was completely undemocratic, inhumane, treacherous, and sadistic, yet it was portrayed to the country's citizens to the outside world as the most progressive and democratic, as the ideal of people's happiness. The propaganda posters and film extracts shown in the programme make a striking contrast with the reminiscences of the survivors and reveal once again the totality of Lie and Terror in which the country was thrown in the name of communism.